Lidia Yuknavitch’s Weblog

the body of the word

shut the fuck up, gosh darn it

ok so i have refrained from sucking sarah palin’s brain out through her eye sockets because i don’t particularly feel the need to bash women just to bash them–i’m still puzzled by how many of my liberal friends went after the hillinator, whose intelligence and experience, by the way, is looking gosh darn good in retrospect, and whose balls i have a bit of nostalgia for…and i truly believe satire is a potent form of critique, so i’ll leave that to the experts (tina fey makes me laugh hard enough to wet myself).

but i did write a post explaining why sarah palin’s claim to be feminist was moose poopy.  it was an issue very important to me.  this woman is not a proponent for women, children and minorities, and i could back that assertion up with her voting record and how she lives her life.

i tried really hard to leave things be until the election is over, to the point of giving myself an ulcer.  but the debate the other night and the subsequent moronic assessments out there that she “held her own,” that the debate resulted in a tie, that she did a heck of a job, well, i just can’t let that shit ride.

here are my three arguments for why sarah palin needs to shut the fuck up:

1.  she can’t speak english.  i’m sorry, tina fey not withstanding, it is NOT OK and WAY BEYOND FUNNY into SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS that she can’t make a sentence with this little thing we call GRAMMAR in english. my god. i’ve got developmental writing students who can construct sentences more better than her.  whatever is up with her use of the “and so too” construction is a symptom of the larger mouth to brain bridge that just aint there…she DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT WORDS MEAN OR HOW TO PUT THEM IN A ROW.  when asked about her achilles heel, she listed her strengths.  somebody should have sat her down with TROY so she could get the six pack and pom poms out while brad pitt exemplified to her how an achilles heel is not a strength. jesus christ.  point:  her sentences are not sentences.  which means she can’t speak english.  her linguistic loop de loops are tantamount to putt putt golf.

maureen dowd, who i often don’t like, made good words about this issue at:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/opinion/05dowd.html?hp

2.  her role model is a sith.  in addition to the fact that she hasn’t a wit’s notion what the position of vice president entails, she also seems to think that the power of the position is what’s important about it. as in getting that power.  similarly, she sees her six pack joe’s and flute playin’ bikini wearin’ moose shootin’ hockey moms as the army she will bring to washington.  after all, she’s an outsider.

that part is true. she is an outsider. an outsider to social justice, an outsider to human rights, an outsider to free inquiry and intellectual exploration, an outsider to environmental ethics, an outsider to science, an outsider to foreign policy and geopolitical reality, and oh yeah, an outsider to LANGUAGE.

3.  whose your daddy.  did you SEE that couric re-do where mccain felt the need to sit next to her and answer her questions?  sorry to get all freudian on your asses, but the tag-team of mccain palin is so painfully oedipal it makes my tits hurt.  i’m serious.  when i watch them together everything i’ve ever learned about psycho-social and psycho-sexual architecture REARS ITS HEAD like a giant floating girl baby with a tiny old man sucking on her not yet there titties.  if i watch them together too long i really can vomit. can we say dysfunctional?

so to recap, she’s an unethical empty headed moron in need of a speech therapist, a microchip implant, and a daddy.

and she’s an unbelievably shitty flute player.

love lidia

October 5, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

10 Comments »

  1. Ditto to all of the above, plus this:

    She goes all crosseyed when she plays the flute. Not good.

    Comment by trevor | October 5, 2008 | Reply

  2. yes i noticed that. truly painful.

    Comment by lidiaohlidia | October 5, 2008 | Reply

  3. your blogs are hilarious, and i thoroughly enjoy reading them and well as nodding my head in complete agreement, which quickly turns to shaking in disbelief.

    Comment by wilbest | October 5, 2008 | Reply

  4. gosh darn. thank you.
    seriously…ha.

    Comment by lidiaohlidia | October 5, 2008 | Reply

  5. Why so harsh, Lid? She’s a cute little go-getter. Why if I weren’t a a male being I’d want to be a PalinDrone just like her.

    I could buzz around, stingerless, feeding off the hard work of others, self-pleased by my own uselessness, cute as a little button flying, my rattley wings adorned with the honey dust of heaven.

    I’m imagining Plath, up there, you betcha! in Heaven, up there, you know, with Biden’s wife, writin a new bee poem, just for me, another powerful woman, just like me–stingerless, useless, suckin the amber goo from the waxwing worker till they drop, drop, drop, and so too, at their pollen bee knees begging, for the chance to lift a golden chalice to my perky red lips.

    But, seriously, she has disgusted me since day one and I didn’t think I could begin to have a lower opinion of her until yesterday. Planting the phrase, “pal of terrorists” into the media because Obama once worked with a man for a charitable cause for school improvement, a man that 40 years ago was pissed off at our government and, perhaps, went a little too far.

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/04/palin.obama/index.html

    Palin’s attempt at planting that meme into the American consciousness is just beyond my ability to make words for what I feel about it. It is utterly contemptible, pandering to the worst prejudices that are already overflowing in the good ol’ boy six-packer US. Unfortunately, this kind of shit works all too well, which McCain should know from his first attempt at president. It is Rovian. That little fucker has just found a sister…not that she has ever had the brain to have come up with planting that information in the first place, but they deserve each other lapping at the sweat as it plummets from the brow of Cheney. Cheney sweat, would, of course, be the antithesis of honey, honey from Heaven.

    God bless them all.

    Comment by Sicada Supersonic | October 6, 2008 | Reply

  6. mr. shafter.

    totally.

    also the first bit CRACKED ME UP.

    xoxo
    lid

    Comment by lidiaohlidia | October 6, 2008 | Reply

  7. HA i mean shaFer…

    Comment by lidiaohlidia | October 6, 2008 | Reply

  8. I managed to make my bible thumping coworkers actually look at Palin. They were amazed when they scrutinized their new virgin mary.

    I also got them to agree to pro-choice–for about a minute and a half. They at least respect my opinion now, and aren’t classifying me in the demonized atheist group anymore.

    I’m curious as to why the woman who knows nothing gets such firm support and the woman who actually had experience was crucified.

    Oh wait. You’ve explained that at least five times. Women don’t like anyone who might advance their own rights.

    Comment by celesi | October 8, 2008 | Reply

  9. please e mail me your phone number. I can’t find it anywhere.

    Rosalyn

    Comment by Rosalyn Drexler | August 19, 2009 | Reply

  10. Hi bro.
    I the first time here.
    Scandal is assured it,news Foto

    http://www.helenabonhamcarternude.co.cc

    Comment by Shamnwaggam | July 8, 2010 | Reply


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